BASEBALL 2022
What a weekend (if you include Thursday, which most Americans do)! Opening day baseball, the Masters, wait…is that SNOW! Come on global warming, get with the program. But I digress.
Kidding aside (wait, why would we put the kidding aside), baseball getting underway, the Masters officially kicking off the golf season that people care about, NHL and NBA seasons heading toward playoffs; it really is the best time of the year. Well, except for October when we have NFL, NCAAF, MLB Playoffs, NHL and NBA regular seasons getting started. And Bowl Week. And March Madness weekend. And June when we have the US Open, NBA/NHL finals, baseball in full swing, TOB can tan his cheeks by the pool. Okay, it’s a top 10 time of year, we get it!
TOB Watches Too Many Commercials Alert
Most local commercials are straight garbage, and the latest Carshield commercial for the St. Louis area is no different. It is poorly shot, poorly acted, and tough to get through. However, hidden in the performances by Ryan O’Reilly and Darren Pang is a gem of a line that will enter the rotation of “avoidance tactics” TOB uses on his special lady from now on. About halfway through the ad, the driver of the vehicle asks O’Reilly and Pang how they got in his vehicle. Their response, without hesitation, “Enough about us, back to the car situation.” Incredible!
TOB’s special lady, “Why are you covered in glitter and smell like regret?”
TOB, “Enough about me, how is that garden of yours doing?”
Boom! Instant deflection! I’m sure it will work about as well as the famed lines, “Look, we can bicker about this all night, but what’s done is done.” Or the oldy but goody, “What’s that?!” in a generally inaudible tone that will annoy your lady enough to save the fight for another day. Win, Win, Win! Marriage counseling available for a nominal fee.
Now on to baseball!!!!
Is it just me, or was it kind of nice having that lock-out / strike drama during February and March? TOB has grown tired of hearing about pitchers and catchers reporting. Then some of the other players show up, then the rest. Oh look, some young guy is eager to learn from a veteran. Some veteran likes to haze the young guys in a charming yet sexual way. The puff pieces write themselves. This year it was all doom and gloom, there may not be a season, then HOLY SHIT, the season starts next week! TOB votes that spring training last exactly two weeks from now on. No one needs a two month build up for what will be a seven month season.
Various TOB Team/Player observations:
St. Louis Cardinals: If there has been one downside to a short lead up to the season, it’s that TOB has no idea what is going on with any team, including the Cardinals. Does that stop me from writing an article centered around baseball, and said Cardinals? Nope. Pujols is back, which could end terribly. It was nice to see him at opening day (back in STL as a bachelor, look out cougs!), but hopefully he becomes more of a glorified bench/hitting coach and stays out of the lineup most days. Fortunately the line-up appears to be much more stacked than in years past. With Goldy, Arenado, and Bro’neil dropping bombs, Edman and Bader turning the line up over, and Molina generally staying out of the way, this could be a team that averages 5-6 runs per game. Pitching will certainly be the question. Can Flaherty get and stay healthy (unlikely), can Waino keep it together for one more magical season (unlikely), can Miles Mikolas shake that “Florida Man” look and get back to Jeff Suppan form (well, maybe)? Who is Steven Matz and why should I care? Can we get a Dakota Hudson sighting? Where is Carlos Martinez? The bullpen will be up and down as they always are (i.e. TOB has no idea who is in the bullpen). Overall, TOB predicts 90 wins in a terribly weak division, maybe one playoff round win then a flameout against a really good team.
LA Dodgers: Wait, did they sign Freddy Freeman? Good lord. Probably going to regret the contract in the end, but the first few years will be worth it. Then they can ship him off to a team like the Tigers and eat 70% of the contract.
Max Scherzer: He’s on the Mets now? That’s a bummer.
Shohei Ohtani: Will he still be the dual threat? TOB is very interested (well, interested enough to try and check out some highlights – even with Mike Trout on the team TOB does not seek out Angels games).
Best Moment of the Year (to date):
There is likely never a good time to file for divorce. Unfortunately TOB has had a few friends deal with this situation over the last couple of years. Especially with kids involved, it’s a bad situation for everyone. Albert Pujols choosing to file divorce papers while his soon to be ex-wife is in the middle of brain surgery has to be an all timer. Savage. Those difference must have been VERY irreconcilable.
What’s Annoying TOB this Week:
When traveling over the last few months, TOB has noticed Uber has been getting a little less reliable. TOB recently missed a flight in Atlanta due to an Uber misunderstanding. When opening the app, there are allegedly several drivers within 5 minutes. Not bad, TOB clicks confirm, only to see the driver will arrive in about 20 minutes. WTF? My flight leaves in 45 minutes, I need to be at the airport in 15! Perhaps TOB could not cut it so close, but what fun is that?! Just give us an accurate estimate on pick up time so I can procrastinate elsewhere…
Lounge Lizards Update:
After winning the league two seasons ago (and making a trophy to commemorate), the Lounge Lizards have been mired in mediocrity in the Afternoon Delight bowling league at Crestwood Bowl. A 7th place finish this session needs to inspire the ladies (TOB’s special lady and Tony’s Buddy Case’s wife) to really bring it next year. Case’s frequent motivational tool, “look ladies, Tony and I have such high averages we can’t do much, we need you to try and crack 150 for once.” Effectiveness…2/10. Also should be noted, we do not have very high averages, it’s just easier to deflect the blame as we go down in flames weekly.
Donut Shop Talk:
TOB’s father has a donut shop in south St. Louis city, “St. Louis Hills Donut Shop” at the corner of Hampton and Loughborough. Great donuts, not a lot of sports knowledge by the random customers who like to chat about the Cardinals and Blues. Occasionally TOB will hop in for a cup of coffee and a cheese flip, listening to the ramblings of borderline insane people. This section will chronicle some of those conversations.
TOB will be making a trip to the donut shop in the next week to get a feel for the local opinion on the upcoming Cardinal season. TOB suspects there is still a lot of frustration over the abbreviated lock-out.
-Tony on Ball
