2022 Wrap Up

And we’re back!  Too late for a 2022 wrap up?  It’s still the first half of 2023 (or is it 2024 – let me check with TOB’s special lady).  Quite a few shake-ups around the TOB household, which usually means plenty of time to write articles for the 6-8 of you.  However, getting sued by a billionaire and his cronies had a different feel than “looking for greener pastures,” so it’s been a slightly different vibe.  No matter, time to make bad off color jokes, mock my wife, and provide mediocre (mostly aggregated) sports analysis!

TOB Watches Too Many Commercials Alert

TOB longs for the days of the Sonic Guys talking nonsense to either themselves or an unsuspecting victim; and while we may never again achieve those heights, a few companies are stepping up!

Jersey Mikes:  Kudos for hiring Danny Devito to play Frank Reynolds as a creepy, yet non-threatening spokesman.  All of these ads are solid gold.

Wendy’s (I think):  The Reggie Bush campaign has been more successful than his NFL career.  Giving  him some sort of bacon burger on a pretzel bun to make-up for his lost Heisman?  Throwing a shake at him while he’s wearing a large french fry box?  Check, check, I’m here for all of it.

Detergent (No idea which one):  Woman is going to throw some clothing away, but the Backstreet Boys (in a poster) convince her to keep it with one of their classic songs.  Cut to a few seconds later, the clothing is clean, woman says, “You can kiss those stains Bye, Bye, Bye.”  The Backstreet Boys give a grimace and somehow mention that wasn’t theirs, proving no one knows who sings what from that era.  Well done whatever detergent you are…and the Backstreet Boys.

Baseball

Congrats to the Astros, j/k, TOB hates the Astros and is disappointed they now have a title after the cheating scandal.  There was talk around the TOB offices to blame the hiatus on the Astros win.  Unfortunately it looks like we are here for a few more years of Astros / Dodgers before it all collapses.  Mets look great, if its 2012…

What a finish for one Albert Pujols.  In the preview of the 2022 baseball season (possibly TOB’s last article…) it was assumed to be a terrible idea that could only end badly (see – the last few weeks of your favorite dog’s life – just brutal).  After a slow start, Pujols played so well that TOB was hoping he would come back for one more year!  He could play the Wainwright role for the offense, DH two to three times a week, and even play first base once in a while.  Come on Albert, get that divorced dad bod back on the field and crack some dingers!  TOB took his son to the day game in mid August where Pujols hit a pinch hit grand slam.  No greater thrill for TOB’s young son…until he discovered there was a play-place within the stadium, the grand slam became a distant memory.  Albert was able to go out on top after all, Yadi not so much, Waino is sticking around.  Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

Full baseball preview coming, along with the second class of TOB’s famed BBRA (Baseball Righters of America) Top 100 players of all time (must be retired, not for a full five years). 

College Football:

Solid season overall, could be argued Bama belonged in the final four over TCU, but then TCU beat Michigan, so who the hell knows.  This was a year that two teams probably would have been enough, Michigan and Ohio State were about equivalent, and Georgia was far better than both.  Semi-final games were great (TOB thinks Georgia watched the TCU / Michigan game and took their foot off the gas against Ohio State, neither here nor there).  Conference shakeups next year in the Big 10 should help solve the East being 10+ point favorites over the West 90% of the time problem.  SEC waiting another year before Texas and OU join (that’s going to be a bloodbath). 

Expanding the playoff is a terrible idea for the game itself, but as TOB and fellow CFB fan Robert the Cheech have discussed, it’s probably better for our viewing experience.  When TOB was a 22 year old single man with very little responsibility, watching every college game from Big 10 kickoff at 11 am through whoever was playing Hawaii at 2 am was on the calendar in ink from September through November.  Every week mattered and TOB treated it that way (though in retrospect, TOB did not gamble, did not write about sports, or in any way profit from any of this viewing activity, so did it REALLY matter).  A wife, mortgage, and two kids later (well, two kids by next college football season – shout out to TOB’s special lady for currently carrying child #2 – please don’t tell our families, I figured this is essentially the most private place to share this news), TOB can maybe catch a game or two per weekend, and even then it’s a half here or a half there.  When the CFB Playoff comes around, it’s the Holidays and TOB has the time, or can make the time for those games.  The NCAA is making the College Football experience more and ore like the College Basketball experience.  A few good games throughout the regular season, but he value is the quantity, then a big payoff at the end where even if you didn’t watch but 10 minutes of action during the regular season you can still get excited.  That concept made TOB want to throw up at 22 (or maybe it was the Jagermeister), but as time goes on, that may be the best thing for us old heads that still love sports :(…

NFL

Very odd season, never really seemed like there was a “Best Team” even though the Eagles were the wire to wire NFC #1 seed.  Great Superbowl, which led to more TOB frustration.  This is the second time in three years that one of TOB’s customers has insisted on a Monday morning meeting at a jobsite on the Monday after the Superbowl.  Unforgiveable!  For someone to think this is a good idea, and an entire group of contractors from all fields to go along with it, the explanation must fall under one of three categories:

1.      This person has absolutely no interest in Football, pop culture, or anything associated with it (dare I say, a possible racist?!)

2.      This person has no friends to invite to a party, or all of his friends think he/she is a major buzzkill so they are not invited to any parties. 

3.      This person has something called “self-control”

TOB does not align with any of these values, occasionally to TOB’s special lady’s frustration…

NBA / NHL / Soccer:

Hahaha, TOB wouldn’t do that to you. Congrats Messi, I think.

Investors…Possibly YOU:

Back in college the idea of an 8 pack of beer was floated by TOB’s friend, colleague, and former Best Man Robert the Cheech of TOB fame.  This was due to Cheech’s little brother, we’ll call him “Phil”, like the groundhog (topical!).  When considering how  many beers he planned to drink on a Saturday, Phil gave the incredibly unhelpful response of, “7 or 8,” leading to Cheech’s sarcastic, “Hey Case, can you pick up an 8 pack for Phil?”  That’s gold Jerry!  We’ve been cracking 8 pack jokes for 15 years!   

Dovetailing off the previous topic, TOB would like to institute a 5 pack of beer.  It has been proven time and again that once TOB pops the top of his 6th can of beer, he will want to drink the bar out of alcohol.  “TOB, why don’t you just stop after 5?”  Well, because they sell them by the dozen!  It has occurred to TOB that keeping unopened bottles and cans in the fridge after opening the box does work pretty well, but they’re never the same as the first time you tore open that cardboard!  TOB’s special lady makes the same case about wine and champagne, why should my situation be any different because I have the taste buds of some poor frat boy (shout out to Natural Lite – still delicious and refreshing, and apparently inflation proof).

More to Come Soon…Maybe!

-Tony on Ball