Not All Heros Wear Capes
Baseball has made it through half of the season! Okay, so that’s really only 5 weeks, but given the way things started that’s pretty impressive. To date, MLB has missed 41 total games due to COVID 19. While most headlines make that sound horrible, it is really only about 9% of the games…which does seem like a lot now that it’s on paper (or on my screen, you get it). The overall rate of positive tests has been 0.3% (99 positives in 32,640 samples), which is very low, though obviously that involves players and personnel having multiple tests per week. Overall, if there are 50ish people per team tested regularly, with 30 teams, that means the positive rate is more like 6% which according to a quick Google search is exactly the national average. That was the goal for MLB, to be no more dangerous that regular society, so despite himself, Manfred is achieving his goal.
Now back to the good part! TOB and LOB recently went on vacation and we were blessed with some tasty quotes!
Apple sauce is “purified” apples
Frisco, CO, home of the world-famous Frisco Melt (despite not a single restaurant in the town offering said sandwich, a LOB favorite)
Frisco, CO and Fresno, CA, essentially the same place, may be used interchangeably in any conversation
Billy Ray Irish, that new singer all the kids love (you know, the trashy white girl with blond hair that wears jean jackets)
Denver, CO, not named after John Denver after all (named Denver 100 years before John Deutschendorf, Jr. changed his name to John Denver)
It’s been suggested (and can’t be confirmed or denied) that LOB is really doing performance art with all of her wisdom. We haven’t seen genius like that since Ricky LaFleur
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfq3c4Cf1Fs
TOB hasn’t been watching enough live TV to have a commercial recommendation, however, after a few mgs and some craft beers, this little gem popped into TOB’s head and wouldn’t seem to leave:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOIsYA1QDuk
Only one thing left to do, PANIC!!!
General Observations:
It’s nice to have sports back, if not for burning 3 hours every evening, then for getting upset about things that actually do NOT matter. TOB underestimated how much fun it is to “sports hate” various teams. The rivalries teams and individuals develop remains the last place friends can disagree and remain civil in these times. For example, TOB is a big fan of the St. Louis Cardinals (red), while rival of the site Steve Gerring is a big fan of the Chicago Cubs (blue). We can share a beer, pizza, and spirited conversation ribbing the other about our respective loyalties with no feelings hurt. However, if we were to have a conversation arguing the same rival colors without sports being the central figure, things would likely break down in a hurry. Economic depression, global pandemics (plandemic! j/k), systematic racism…these are not margarita topics. Rizzo crowding the plate when he’s down in the count 0-2 so he can essentially steal first base, now that’s something I can get fired up about and not get shunned!
Various TOB Observations (Less Heavy than General Observations):
St. Louis Cardinals: Classic 2010’s Cardinals season. Will probably be right at .500 with 4 games to play. Typically that would put them on the fringe of the playoffs for the entire month of September, but with the new format they can “get their rotation ready” starting right about now. Big ups to the Royals, Tigers, Reds, and Pirates for helping the Cardinals to those 30 wins.
Boston Red Sox: Few things bring TOB joy aside from the Red Sox fans getting upset. The ownership group of the Red Sox may be the only rival to the Cardinals in that they make money hand over fist yet complain that their isn’t as much money in baseball as their used to be. Sorry that the ATM the city helped you build (not just the stadium, but two city blocks around the stadium) is out of order this year. I’m sure it will be back in full working order next year and you can go back to your Scrooge McDuck lifestyle.
Jose “Don’t call me Bobby” Abreu: The White Sox have been on the come up for a couple of years now, stockpiling bats. Abreu is just one of the sluggers that will help the south rise again.
Mike Trout: Not much left to say, still crushing.
San Diego Padres: Beneficiaries of the Indians trying to work on team “chemistry”. Already a team full of mashers they pick up Mike Clevinger for a bag of balls. May be a year ahead of schedule a la last years’ Atlanta Braves.
Astros Watch:
Unfortunately the Astros are on a winning track and appear to be poised for a post season run as the calendar turns to September. Perhaps a heartbreaking playoff loss is just what the doctor ordered. Oh my god, that Albert Pujols’ music! (j/k, there’s a good chance he will never have another playoff at bat)
Running Tally on Astros Asshole Ratio (AAR):
Astros HBP: 16
Astros Pitchers Hitting Opponents: 17
AAR is over 1.0. How can a team that is the sworn enemy of every one they play somehow come across as the aggressor? The world may never know.
Best Moment of the Year (to date):
TOB spends most of his baseball viewing in the NL (primarily the NL central), but keeps an eye out for cowardly behavior. Former foe of the program Aroldis Chapman (felon) recently put a fastball near the face of a Tampa Bay Ray. Apparently Kevin Cash didn’t care for that:
https://twitter.com/FOXSportsRays/status/1300978312270032896?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1300981456198483968%7Ctwgr%5Eshare_3&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fyanksgoyard.com%2F2020%2F09%2F02%2Fyankees-kevin-cash-comments-aroldis-chapman%2F
Aaron Boone of mediocre baseball success went on the defensive after the above interview and played victim. Classic coward – instigate a situation, get a reaction, act like you’re the victim.
What’s Annoying TOB this Week:
Matt Carpenter. Hitting .175, OPS .590, and somehow that number seems high. Unclear why he is the DH for a team that struggles to score runs. There were some good times, but it’s over. A great story of a late bloomer who had a nice, albeit abbreviated, prime but is clearly washed up. Unfortunately he has one more full year at $14M…yikes.
Golf League Update:
The Gruesome Twosome ended up 4th out of…well, I can’t remember how many teams but more than 4. Great season, looking forward to next year.
Next time…oh my god, that’s college football’s music!
-Tony on Ball
