COLLEGE FOOTBALL - WEEK 13
TOB was on the road last week in lovely Oxford, MS. Shout-out to Jenilyn Vick and co for letting TOB and rival/legal council Steve Gerring crash (and TOB’s special lady). We all need a bye week now and again, and after all of the “load management” talk, this is probably the best thing for TOB’s stretch run into the Conference Championship games. One disclaimer for this article, TOB is currently out of coffee at the house. This may seem like a minor issue easily solved by making a small drive to the store less than one mile down the street. You would be correct…however TOB is going to try alternate means – green tea. Unfortunately Bailey’s and green tea to do not appear to be a good pair (after a quick Google search) so this article is written totally clean. Now to the top content!
TOB recently flew to Atlanta (shout out to Midtown Atlanta and City Tap) and overheard a conversation that had to be relatives of TOB’s special lady.
Woman #1: Why was your flight delayed getting here from Chicago?
Woman #2: I don’t know, it’s so weird, we just sat there on the runway while they decided on the plane. Like, they were deciding whether we could leave
Woman #1: Were they “de-icing” the plane?
Woman #2: Oh yeah, that’s it.
And now, a commercial that is currently getting under TOB’s skin:
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/It3W/northwestern-mutual-spend-your-life-living-ocean
Yeah, forget a college fund, possibly paying off your mortgage, and retiring to a life of helping your fellow man (or woman, it is 2019), blow it all and take your bratty kid on a trip to a tropical location she won’t even enjoy! It’s hard to believe that people end up in so much financial trouble when financial institutions are telling them to spend all of their money. Also, what is the deal with the bratty kid being a red head? Like we need that stereotype furthered. Why not just have some Canadian kid with sucking on a maple syrup flavored Popsicle. Side note, maple syrup may be missing out on a huge opportunity here. Furthering the internet research from above, people love to put honey in their green tea (it was suggested TOB put Jameson and honey into the green tea for a sweet, hot cocktail – even for a moderate degenerate 7:15 am is a little too early for whiskey). If people enjoy that, why not put maple syrup in coffee? You’re already putting three spoonfuls of sugar in there, Karen. Why not a teaspoon of organic maple syrup. Of course it’s better for you, it came out of a god damn tree! It’s also probably Canadian so you know it’s legit. TOB’s new product, “Organic Coffee Syrup.” Our tagline, “Sugar may be sweet, but only syrup can stick to all parts of your mouth, hopefully burned in from the coffee, and provide a lasting sweetness the rest of the day.” Well…it’s a working tagline.
“Why are you still in my life?” has reached an end. Have no fear, TOB has a new segment called, “TOB reviews things!” This was inspired by TOB reading the most recent book by Chuck Klosterman, Raised in Captivity. TOB has read most of Klosterman’s work over the past 10-15 years (Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, I Wear the Black Hat, But What if We’re Wrong, Eating the Dinosaur, X) as well as consumed some of his articles on Grantland, and enjoyed his podcast appearances on the BS Podcast. Klosterman’s subject matter typically bounces between pop culture dissection, how some pop culture is relevant within the context of social science, and heavy opinion. Raised in Captivity is none of those things. It is a collection of short stories, all 4-8 pages that appear to have no linear connection (or tangential connection). The stories are boring to the point of frustration, with no particular direction or meaning. Many of them seem to be Klosterman sharing a relatively interesting fact or controversial opinion through a character in the story. Klosterman’s book prior to this one, X, is a collection of articles written over the past 10 years in various magazines and newspapers where he has been published. TOB had read a few of those articles, and the way he added footnotes and other devices to update interviews from up to 10 years ago was insightful and showed how much popular opinion of someone or something may have changed in that time. This current book appeared to be a way for him to show people that he is aware of Jimmy Page’s purchase of Aleister Crowley’s mansion that overlooked the lake where the famed Lock Ness Monster is supposed to reside. TOB went into this book with very high hopes, reading the first dozen or so stories expecting there to be some through line or connection that would eventually reveal itself. Upon second reading, TOB was a bit more skeptical and read the work for what it was, making it through only about 5 stories this time. Out of obligation after spending $20 on this turd, TOB tried to give it one more go last night, getting through only two stories and feeling physically agitated.
It is probably a good thing to not like EVERYTHING someone creates. That would be odder than liking most of their content. It is unlikely someone likes ALL of Mozarts symphonies, or ALL of Picasso’s paintings (though TOB would argue Rembrandt or Monet has the better catalogue). TOB will purchase the next Chuck Klosterman book, probably within a week of its release, and likely enjoy it. This one just happened to be a misfire. Side note, if anyone would like this book, TOB will ship it to you. Send your address to my e-mail and you may even have it before Thanksgiving! Tony.M@MidwestCSLLC.com
Please submit your item for TOB review in the comments. Anything from food, drink, podcast, book, TV show, movie. TOB has opinions, may as well share them with 8 people….
Since TOB was off last week, there are two weeks to chew on, even though last week kind of negated some of the events of week 11. The best way to do this may just be to look at the current top 10 teams:
1. LSU – TOB was in attendance for the win over Ole Miss. That was not the win from the last two weeks that matters, but it was still significant. Joe Burrow looks incredible in person. His ability to slide up within the pocket, avoid the rush before he is too far under duress (Sam Darnold would argue that’s what he’s doing when he “sees ghosts”), and keep his eyes downfield is pro level. Their wins over Alabama and Ole Miss have shown a possible area of concern, however. LSU held a 20+ point half time lead only to see the second half of both become a shootout. Bama is a good team and most people expected them to charge back. Ole Miss is not very good (though that quarterback has Lamar Jackson written all over him), and shouldn’t have made that a two score game. With their resume, LSU deserves to be #1 no matter how many terrible teams Clemson and Ohio State blow out. Should LSU run the table, they may end up having one of the most impressive runs in history, beating #3 Clemson, #1 Ohio State, #4 Georgia, #5 Alabama, #10 Florida, #16 Auburn, and a Texas team that is probably better than their record shows.
2. Ohio State – Probably the most talented roster, and after the next few weeks of games against ranked opponents may be able to finally have a resume close to LSU (which TOB would concede could move them to #1). Spread on their game against Penn State today is 18.5. Unreal for the alleged two best teams in the conference. LSU/Bama was only 6.5 and TOB thought that was high. Nice to have Chase Young back. Whether you believe he should have been suspended or not, he missed games against Rutgers and Maryland. Combined score in those games: 129-35. Settle down Buckeye nation.
3. Clemson – Unless the top 2 lose, Clemson will not jump them no matter what they do. They are blowing through a TERRIBLE ACC, aside from that close UNC win. The way their schedule has gone, if they lose that game they are probably not in the CFP. As it stands they will likely win out and not face a tough game until they play either Ohio State or LSU, which TOB will thoroughly enjoy.
4. Georgia – Apparently the committee views their wins as the most impressive of the one loss teams, even though their loss is probably the worst. No doubt they have talent and a great coach, having gone to the SEC Title game the last few years. With Georgia in this spot they control their own destiny. Win out and get Clemson in the CFP.
5. Alabama – The Tua injury did not appear to affect the committee’s opinion of the Tide. TOB expressed his opinion of Tua a couple of weeks ago. Not sure what to make of the back-up, though it’s safe to say he’s a 5 start who probably could have started as a freshman at 95% of schools in the country. They are going to be just fine. Sitting at 5th allows them to win out, avoid the SEC Title game, and likely take the loser of that game’s spot in the CFP. Would be a shame if that ends up being LSU after the season they have put together.
6. Oregon– It’s going to take one of the SEC teams losing prior to the SEC Title game, or miracle in the BIG10 or ACC for one of these team to jump. There just don’t seem to be any teams worthy of the playoff in the PAC12. Every year we are told one of the teams is a powerhouse, then they lose in week 3 to some schmoe
7. Utah – See above – TOB has already spend too much time on this topic
8. Oklahoma – The loss to K-State is killing them, though it’s not any worse than Georgia’s loss to South Carolina. Unfortunately OU only has one big win on their resume to this point, and it was a dramatic comeback win last week
9. Penn State – Beating tOSU may propel them up to 5, but they will still need some help to get in. Quality schedule so far, but this would be the cherry on top
10. Florida – No real need for discussion here. Kind of a shame that Florida and Auburn will end the season with 3 or 4 losses, all to top 5 teams. The SEC is BRUTAL!
TOB sees no need to continue bitching about the scheduling. We are deep into conference season. Perhaps keep that in the archives for next year and see how it compares. Hell, even games between two top 10 teams, in conference, is an 18.5 point spread. Maybe the top 5 are just that much better than EVERYONE else.
“Countdown Until Urban Meyer Takes a D1 Job.”
· UCLA – 5:1
· Tennessee – 3:1
· Florida State – 3:1 – Coach Taggert was fired! Step 1 is complete!
· USC: 5:1
· Michigan State: 10:1
· Remains analyst: 100:1
Now for the picks!
Robert the Cheech
Week 1: 1-4 - Yikes
Week 2: 5-0 – Yeah Bobby (6-4)
Week 3: 3-2 – Typical (9-6)
Week 4: 3-2 (12-8)
Week 5: 3-2 (15-10) Making Money!
Week 6: 3-3 (18-13) Welcome to my life, Robby
Week 7: 3-2 (21-15) Solid
Week 8: 2-3 (23-18) Sliding toward .500
Week 9: 4-1 (27-19) Big bounce back, Bobby!
Week 10: 3-2 (30-21) Still making money
Week 11: 3-6 (33-27) back to earth
Week 12: 3-3 (36-30)
· Bama -19.5 over Mississippi State – W
· Florida -7 over Mizzou – W
· Oklahoma State -17.5 over Kansas – W
· Ball State -2 over Central Michigan – L
· Auburn +3 over Georgia – L
· LSU -21.5 over Ole Miss – L
Week 13: Bye Week
TOB
Week 1: 2-2 with 1 push – slowly losing money
Week 2: push
Week 3: push
Week 4: (5-4-1)
Week 5: 2-3 (7-7-1) Just burning money, 10% at a time
Week 6: 2-2-1 (9-9-2) Has there ever been a more mediocre gambler? Yeah, probably
Week 7: 2-3 (11-12-2) Here I sit on Mount Mediocrity
Week 8: 3-2 (14-14-2) Yikes, right at .500
Week 9: 3-2 (17-16-2) Back on the winning side!
Week 10: 3-2 (20-18-2) Getting there!
Week 11: 4-1 (24-18-2) Real Nice!
· Penn State -6.5 over Minnesota - L
· Baylor -2.5 over TCU - W
· K-State +7 over Texas - W
· Clemson -32.5 over NC State - W
· LSU +6 over Bama – W
Week 12: Bye
Week 13:
· Ohio State -19.5 over Penn State (despite personal rival and legal council Steve Gerrings analysis, “Way to high, they play them tough every year.” Where was that advice when TOB was buying fake tickets from a scalper in the Grove, with you at my side?!
· Georgia -4 over Texas &M
· Oklahoma -18 over TCU
· Boise State -8 over Utah State
The sharps are back at it! Keep in mind it cost me $200 to join; I then put $100 on each of these games to win $90.
Week 7: 4-1 – Current balance: $60 – Look at that, already made money! Let’s let it ride!
Week 8: 1-0 (5-1) – Current balance: $150
Week 9: 3-3 (8-4) – Current balance: $120
Week 10: 3-1 (11-5) – Current balance: $290 – Not bad fellas!
Week 11: 2-3 (13-8) – Current balance: $170 - meh
Week 12: 5-0 (18-8) – Current balance: $620 – Wow!
· Oregon -27 over Arizona (Paul Rusteen) – W
· Alabama -18 over Mississippi State (Dan Baligian) – W
· USC -4 over Cal (Leo Green) – W
· Florida -7 over Mizzou (Leo Green) - W
· Memphis -10 over Houston (Leo Green) - W
Week 13:
· Utah -23 over Arizona – (Vic Arisa)
· Memphis -14 over South Florida (Leo Green)
Go Irish!
-Tonyonball
