COLLEGE FOOTBALL - WEEK 10
Sometimes you’re wrong, and sometimes you think Wisconsin has a chance to beat Ohio State. That’s like assuming that since your wife had a girls’ night on Thursday, she won’t mind if you have a boys night on Friday. As one of my longtime married friends said, “That’s not exactly how it works. Actually, that’s not how it works at all. I feel like you are going to be in trouble with your wife a lot…” Well, at least someone was right about something! And now, a commercial that is currently getting under TOB’s skin:
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/oUuS/american-express-green-member-since-19
This commercial is not just bad…it’s dangerous. Yeah, mid 20’s average to below average looking girl, go out on the town! Pick up the tab for your friends, your parents, and even some people you don’t know (pay it forward, YOLO!). Buy the dress, take the trip, get your hair did. This isn’t real money! Not yet…not until the 16-24% interest rate kicks in and it takes you 48 years to pay this back by paying only the minimum payment. They should show her in three months living in her parent’s basement. Perhaps her dad’s reaction to her picking up the tab will change when she defaults and he realizes that the debt travels to him…
Complaining about business men on airports is coming, trust me, it’s coming…
The TOB original segment, “Why are you still in my life?” is back! “Shaq” “Diesel” “The Big Aristotle” “Shaq Fu” “Superman” “Shaq Daddy” “Warrior”. TOB has heard of most of those, though wasn’t “Shaq Fu” some sort of a failed video game similar to a “Street Fighter” or “Mortal Kombat”? Anyhow, the last time Shaquille O’Neal played in an NBA game was 2011, yet you cannot go more than three commercial breaks without seeing him and some animated General trying to sell you insurance, or a metal building, or whatever it is that little bastard is selling. A couple of quick facts about Shaq Daddy:
· Money Shaquille O’Neal made from NBA contracts alone: $292,198,327.00 – Suck it Peyton
· Money Shaquille O’Neal made while at LSU: Inconclusive
During this research, TOB encountered a website that said, “If there’s one thing Shaq loves more than money, its MORE money!” That’s hard to argue with based on this outrageous list of things he has put his name on or himself helped produce (don’t think we forgot about “Kazaam”):
· Taco Bell
· Buick
· Vitamin Water – Collaboration with 50 Cent
· Power Balance - ?
· Mr. Big Candy Bar – Like the band? TOB’s top 3 favorite Karaoke Song
· Oreo – There better be a Diabetes medicine in here somewhere
· iGO Headphones
· Monster Speakers
· Soda Shaq – Cream Soda…hmmm
· MyVegas Mobile App – Must have taken this from Barkley
· Soup Man – Apparently this was started by the “Soup Nazi” from Seinfeld…for real
· Shaq Fu – Yep, fighting game; nope, TOB has never played it
· Toys-R-Us – Solid, TOB can actually get behind this one. TOB read in a few spots that he actually donated all of his endorsement money from this to children’s charities. Gotta get that write-off somehow!
· Fruity Pebbles – Gotta satisfy that sweet tooth
· Gold Bond
· Icy Hot
· Dove
· Zales
· Drone Watches – Does it fly away?
· Li Ning Sneakers – He was pissed at Daryl Morrey too
· Sleep apnea mask – Finally a product I believe he uses
· Susta Sugar Substitute – I guess that’s better?
· Quick Sticks – These are sugar sticks for energy on the go. Seriously.
· Callsnap App - ?
· Appollo Jets
· Enlyten Diet Strips
· Tout
· Audemars Piguet Watches
· Blackphone
· 24 Hour Fitness
· Radio Shaq…I mean Shack – HA!
· Shaq Fu Punch
· Muscle Milk
· Little Shaq Books – Childrens books anyone can relate to
· Dunkman Shoes
· Harbin Beer
· Tomodachi Life
· JC Penny
· The General Insurance
· Okay, this has to stop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqNiSDYQ6vs
What a twist of irony, the first commercial that pops up when TOB Googled, “Funny Shaq commercial” was one that didn’t even push a product, just the start of the NBA season! FYI, there are over 30 more products that could be listed above, TOB didn’t even mention his franchising of Papa John’s stores. He blows Peyton out of the water. No one even comes close, this gimmick may just have to stop with Shaq Daddy.
Another full day of great football! Just kidding, four of the top 5 teams are on a bye. Last week was supposed to be dramatic; and OU going down certainly was. However, LSU ended up a 3 point victor but the game was never really in doubt in the second half. TOB couldn’t have been more wrong about Ohio State and Wisconsin. Ohio State is on a mission, Wisconsin is a fraud and may is likely out of the Big 10 Title game at this point. Look what you did you little jerk! With a slow week ahead of us, may be a good time to look at the top 10 rankings again:
1. LSU – Big Wins: 15 Texas, 9 Florida; 9 Auburn; Close Calls: Texas; Clear cut number 1 team in the country. Next weekend will be the game of the year when they head to Alabama.
2. Alabama – Big Wins: Well, they beat A&M by a lot; Close Calls: None; getting the benefit of the doubt right now despite playing a terrible schedule to this point. Next week is really their first tough game all year (in week 11!).
3. Ohio State – Big Wins: 13 Wisconsin; Close Calls: None; they have done what you’re supposed to do with a cream puff schedule and beaten the crap out of everyone. Wisconsin was probably overrated, but that’s easy to say now. It’s irritating to TOB when an analyst will say that in retrospect a particular win isn’t all that good because the team they beat has a loss or two – yeah, that’s because this team beat them you dummy! Big games coming up for this team, should be a fun finish to the BIG10 season, and that hasn’t been the case for a few years.
4. Clemson – Big Wins: Sim to Alabama; Close Calls: UNC by 1 point; after the UNC scare they have rattled off some large margin of victory wins, against non-opponents (Hello Wofford!). Just put them in the playoff and let’s see what happens.
5. Penn State – Big Wins: 17 Iowa, 16 Michigan; close calls: Both big wins; they are prepping for the big matchup with Ohio State in a couple of weeks. That will likely determine who goes to the playoff (the BIG10 West sucks).
Further bitching/facts about the cupcake season (which may just be the season):
· Week 1 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 30.5
· Week 2 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 42.5
· Week 3 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 40
· Week 4 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 38.5
· Week 5 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 23.5
· Week 6 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 29.5 – come on!
· Week 7 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 15 – We finally had a top 5 loss!
· Week 8 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 33 – It appears last week was the anomaly
· Week 9 average margin of victory for top 5 teams: 24 – Another top 5 goes down!
· Week 10 average point spread top 5 teams: There is only one team active, and they are playing Wofford. ESPN won’t even show a line, Oddshark has the line at 48.5. They also have a feature where they show the “predicted score” based on a few metrics (note they put decimals in there so you know it’s precise). The predicted score: 63.4 – 0.4. Should be a fun one.
“Countdown Until Urban Meyer Takes a D1 Job.” Well, TOB’s dream of Urban going to Michigan are probably off the table.
· UCLA – 5:1
· Tennessee – 3:1
· USC: 5:1
· Michigan State: 10:1
· Remains analyst: 100:1
Now for the picks!
Robert the Cheech
Week 1: 1-4 - Yikes
Week 2: 5-0 – Yeah Bobby (6-4)
Week 3: 3-2 – Typical (9-6)
Week 4: 3-2 (12-8)
Week 5: 3-2 (15-10) Making Money!
Week 6: 3-3 (18-13) Welcome to my life, Robby
Week 7: 3-2 (21-15) Solid
Week 8: 2-3 (23-18) Sliding toward .500
Week 9: 4-1 (27-19) Big bounce back, Bobby!
· Penn State -6 over Michigan State - W
· Ohio State -14.5 over Wisconsin - W
· Minnesota +16.5 over Maryland - W
· Texas -1.5 over TCU - L
· Michigan +1.5 over ND (TOB saw 1, Cheech is stealing 0.5) - W
Week 10:
· 22 Kansas State -5 over Kansas
· 9 Utah -3 over Washington
· 7 Oregon -4 over USC
· 11 Auburn -18.5 over Ole Miss
· Eastern Michigan +1 over Buffalo
TOB
Week 1: 2-2 with 1 push – slowly losing money
Week 2: push
Week 3: push
Week 4: (5-4-1)
Week 5: 2-3 (7-7-1) Just burning money, 10% at a time
Week 6: 2-2-1 (9-9-2) Has there ever been a more mediocre gambler? Yeah, probably
Week 7: 2-3 (11-12-2) Here I sit on Mount Mediocrity
Week 8: 3-2 (14-14-2) Yikes, right at .500
Week 9: 3-2 (17-16-2) Back on the winning side!
· 13 Wisconsin +14.5 over 3 Ohio State - L
· 20 Iowa -8.5 over Northwestern - W
· 2 LSU -10 over 9 Auburn - L
· 6 Penn State over Michigan State - W
· Washington State at Oregon – over 67.5 – W
Week 10:
· 14 Michigan -21.5 over Maryland
· 8 Georgia -6.5 over 6 Florida
· 22 Kansas State -5 over Kansas
· 11 Auburn -18.5 over Ole Miss
· 15 SMU -5.5 over 24 Memphis
Let’s see how these Pro’s did. Keep in mind it cost me $200 to join; I then put $100 on each of these games to win $90.
Week 7: 4-1 – Current balance: $60 – Look at that, already made money! Let’s let it ride!
Week 8: 1-0 – (5-1) – Current balance: $150
Week 9: 3-3 – (8-4) – Current balance: $120
· Navy -3.5 over Tulane (Dan Singer) - L
· USC -11.5 over Colorado (Dave Musto) – L
· Texas -1 over TCU (William Turner) – L
· Wyoming -14 over Nevada (Bootstrap Bill) - W
· Southern Miss -9.5 over Rice (Bootstrap Bill) - W
· Louisiana Tech -20.5 over UTEP (Bootstrap Bill) – W
Week 10: Let’s see if these bums can get back on track and make me some fake money
· UConn +26.5 over Navy – Already a loss, this game occurred Friday night (Paul Jacobs)
· UConn / Navy over 53.5 – Win (Paul Jacobs)
· Kansas State -5 over Kansas (Ed Ross)
· Georgia -6.5 over Florida (Ron Huett)
Only four picks this week, maybe they’re catching on to me…nah, probably not.
Shout out to the Nats! Now back up that Brinks truck for Rendon and Strausburg.
Go Irish! Need a bounce back after that whuppin…yikes.
-Tonyonball
