MARCH REGULARITY
Well, it turns out that after just a little prodding (and paying my yearly subscription) TOB is back! It’s been a while, and for good reason, TOB had a house built (watched someone build a house) and has been planning a wedding (watching someone plan a wedding). As it turns out, the input required from TOB are nearly identical in both of these tasks, “Yes, I really like that color, I think it defines us as a couple,” and “I’m not sure what your mother will think about it,” pretty well cover any question directed my way lately. Good news for TOB’s loyal fans (both of you) and TOB haters (there has to be at least one), we are back on a weekly schedule for the time being! Like anyone who is busy beyond belief with very time consuming tasks, TOB has picked up on a few shows / movies recently that require some analysis:
Narcos – Netflix Series (30 Episodes, 50 min each): Dramatization of the Columbian cocaine scene from the late 1970’s through the early 1990’s. Primarily follows Pablo Escobar and his crew, with the Cali cartel coming in later in the show (TOB is only 20 episodes into the 30, shit’s getting real). Great camera work, compelling action scenes, and a great humanization of arguably the most notorious drug lord of all time. Pablo comes across as a family man who also doesn’t mind savagely murdering thousands of people. But hey, who doesn’t lose their temper once in a while!? Very worth the watch, but similar to “Breaking Bad,” not recommended right before bed. May lead to some grizzly dreams and waking up in a cold sweat from time to time.
When We First Met – Netflix Move (97 min): “Groundhog Day” like comedy with Adam Devine (of “Workaholics” fame). Not going to change your life, but a good story with very funny moments, and a few lines that will live on, “Oh no, I went FULL asshole!” Well, I guess you just have to see it to get it.
Shameless – Showtime Series (possibly, could be something else, TOB has only seen a few episodes, TOB’s lady has seen most of them): Chronicling the lives of a misfit, impoverished family in the suburbs of Chicago. Carl, one of the children is quite the little firecracker getting in and out of trouble on the reg. Fiona is the matriarch of the family (while being the oldest sister) who can’t seem to get out of her own way. Lip is the “too smart for his own good” character who is more annoying than anything and has so much sex he has to have about 10 STD’s at this point. There is another brother who is a gay fella, has his own little adventures from time to time with another gay fella and a Russian prostitute. William H Macy is the deadbeat dad who bounces in and out of their lives, usually in a cringe worthy manner. There are a couple of other kids (a daughter and youngest son), but they are not really interesting enough to mention. There are also some whacky neighbors who run a bar, they are pretty cool. Apparently this show has been on for about 8 years, but we just found it, so I want to talk about it now! Showtime, or HBO, or maybe Netflix, whoever made this show, feel free to use my description in your “info” tab. You’re welcome.
Hey TOB, remember when you used to talk about sports? Yes, imaginary prompt, I do. It’s Tony on Ball after all, not Tony on Various Programs The Creators of Which We Are Unsure. Back to the ball!
Ball Night! (Credit Anthony Joseph Sister Jean Reali). Last year, TOB called this article “March Regularity,” so it is with great pleasure we reveal the title of this article, “March Irregularity.” Wait, what, you already knew the title of the article? Yeah, that makes sense. Anyway, as is said every year, this is the craziest tournament we here at TOB can remember. The difference is, this year there may be something to it. High seeds are abound in the South and West, with the East and Midwest looking quite chaulky. Turns out the Big 12 was a much tougher conference than we all thought (perhaps Oklahoma getting in wasn’t such a national tragedy after all – hopefully Dick Vitale has relaxed by now). The ACC has shown well, but not quite to the degree that everyone expected (Virginia). The PAC 12 has come up small (Arizona, seriously, you bust my bracket 8 hours into the tournament?!), and the Big 10 is what we thought it was – average. Now a word from our sponsor:
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And then there were 8! Breaking down the remaining Elite Eight contenders:
Loyola Chicago – Someone has to keep that Catholic Magic going during lent! Sister Jean is powering the Ramblers though a tournament where they have been a heavy underdog at every turn. What’s that? Sister Jean is not the coach? Well, for TOB’s purposes, she will be. Even TOB’s lady, who notoriously hates college basketball, couldn’t take her eyes away from the TV as Loyola continued their slash and kick and slash offense on Thursday night, taking down a more athletically superior Nevada team (with two or three legitimate NBA players). Marques Townes is going to need a wheelbarrow to get around (a la Randy Marsh) after hitting that three pointer with six seconds on the clock in the Sweet 16.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un7QiXsnF_Y – Scroll to 50 seconds…actually, just watch the whole thing, you won’t regret it
Kansas State – Wait, you’re telling me a 9 seed in the Elite Eight is not THE Cinderella story? K-State has had a pretty sweet path, and could reach the Final Four by defeating an 8, 16, 5, 11. Based on TOB’s anecdotal research, that is some sort of record. With the emergence of the Big 12 as the toughest conference in the country, K-State should be able to punch their ticket, Bruce Weber’s 2nd, to the Final Four.
Florida State – Somehow the Seminoles were able to make it past the powerhouse that is Mizzou Basketball and MPJ (winning TOB a cool $16 in the process – suck it Chris). I kid, I kid. Always full of athletes, FSU was able to knock off a weak 1 seed and blow by a fundamentally sound Gonzaga squad. Enough generic analysis for you? TOB has no idea how good FSU is, or has been all season. Did they have a solid 25 win season and were grossly mis-seaded? Possibly. Were they underperformers all year and probably shouldn’t have even made the tournament? Possibly.
Michigan – Somehow Michigan is still around, and they seem to be gaining steam. Good inside/outside game, but it is unlikely they will shoot 65% for an entire game again. They should be able to go athlete for athlete against FSU, setting up a favorable matchup in the Final Four
Villanova – The most complete team in the tournament, if TOB wasn’t such a moron he probably would have picked them to win it all. Instead, I sit here penniless with a bracket that isn’t worth the paper I didn’t print it on. Always good guard play, Jay Wright has finally figured out how to make a deep run in the tournament, winning two years ago and getting there last year (I think, TOB does no research). Likely the favorite to win it all at this point (and in the begging…damnit).
Texas Tech – Has TOB mentioned that the Big 12 was tough this year? Holy crow, not since Bobby Knight was exiled to Lubbock, TX has Tech made a run like this. TOB knows nothing about this team either (seeing a trend?), but here is a funny clip of Mike Leach talking about weddings.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGIap2_tmng
Duke – Did you know Grayson Allen’s major is Psychology? The irony is thick with this one. How can someone who is seemingly less self-aware than Johhny Manziel be a Psychology major? Well, they seem to be rolling, with MBIII and another big man down low dominating. However, they need to clean up that free throw shooting if they are going to get by the perpetually choking Kansas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Untyo1fExzY – turn the volume down, but the video speaks for itself, what a dick
Kansas – Can we just reseed the tournament and take KU or Nova to the other side? The sum of the seeds on one side is 32, the other is 7. Kansas has been relatively consistent in a year of inconsistency. They are perennially the most balanced team with upper and lower classmen, strong inside presence while being a good shooting team. If they can just get past Bill Self making diamonds with his butthole during the last two minutes of the game, they should be able to move on to Nova.
Well, that’s it. Three months off and that’s all I could muster. Maybe another article tomorrow since TOB’s lady is out of town. Guys night! Gotta find a barstool at LE’s to watch the games!
-Tonyonball
